I found this interesting because I think it really sums up how many of us adoptees out there feel.

I am adopted. I am the product of two humans that for what ever reason decided not to keep me in their lives. I am angry about it. I am upset about it. I am confused and hurt by it. And I’m one of the lucky ones.

I have been asked why I am searching. I can’t fully answer that. There is a hole inside of me and nature abhors a vacuum. Like Shel Silverstein’s Circle, I am looking for my missing piece. However, I don’t know if I’m going to keep rolling along with my piece or if I find it, say “So that’s what it’s like” and go on.

I was born August, 1969, in central Florida but given up. I don’t know if the woman who carried me for 9 months held me or even saw me nor do I know why she decided to give me up. My story is not an atypical one. There are thousands of adoptees in America now who are looking for their biological parents and just as many who have been reunited.

However, like I said, I am one of the lucky ones. I was adopted into a great family who told me the truth as early as I could remember. They provided a great home for both me and my adopted (not blood related) sister. I was loved and continue to be loved by these great people who were willing to take not one but two different children into their home and provide for them. They gave love unconditionally. I owe them my life.

With all they have given me though, I still need more. I need to now who I am, whose blood runs through my veins. Who in this world looks like me? Which family member has my ears, my brown eyes, and my height? Not to mention the biggest question of them all. WHY?!

Reading the stories of others, I am excited and scared of finding the truth. There are stories of adoptees with disastrous lives, stories of adoptees that find their birth family and are rejected, stories of finding and drifting apart, and stories of having two happy families.

I wonder and fantasize about when we meet. Will we know each other, hug like the lost family members we are, or will we be hesitant, like two strangers. Will they be excited or scared or both.

My anger isn’t directed at my biological family. (Well, maybe a little.) My anger is directed to a society where it isn’t okay to admit you’re adopted. It isn’t okay to search. A society where I can’t have my birth certificate because I’m not a “normal” person. A society that says I can’t know who I am, where I’m from, or what my ancestry is.

One of the things that confuses me in this society is that the Government will send it's police force to hunt down a dead beat father or arrest a mother for abadoning their children, but if either one says the magic word, that same government will protect their "rights" to privacy. The magic word? Adoption. Immediately, the biological parents are granted a special state of being, one where there are extra laws in place to protect thier "rights." Their right to forget the child they produced, the right to ensure no one else will know their secret/shame, the right to deny the truth to a child, the right to move on, sort of a do-over if they want. The "rights" of the child aren't really important. The right to know who you are, where you came from, first hand knowledge of talents and skills that may be there, genetic history, possibly other blood family who wouldn't care that I'm an adoptee.

Okay, I will grant that not all biological family members would hide. Some are afraid to look, some are looking as I type, some have blanked it out as the pain is so great, some just can't deal and some have stood up and shouted it to the world. Hopefully, my biological mother is either just scared or currently looking.

As I search through the feelings and frustrations that I have concerning these issues, I have found that I seem to have an underdeveloped sense of self. I don't really know who I am.

March 14, 2004

Imagine the life of an adoptee. The school projects where you go home and write down which facial features match which family member, or make a family tree. Having a deep fear of rejection and sometimes not understanding why. Seeing the funny looks nurses and doctors give when you can't answer their questions about your family history. Seeing the looks people give you when you mention it, or the constant questions of “Haven't you ever wanted to know?” WELL DUH!!!!

Do others have these same problems? Do others in our society have worse problems? Yes, they do, however, how many of them are caused by state and local governments as well as some agencies who are trying to hide the fact they changed birthdates and cities on the amended birth certificates, shipped children off to other states, and even badgered mothers into giving up their children, telling them they were unfit.